2:13 AM · AGAIN
The mental movies. The questions you regret asking the second they leave your mouth. The ex's Instagram you swore you'd stop checking. It has a name, retroactive jealousy, and Bygones is the first app built specifically to break its loop, using the methods clinical research actually supports.
Built on ERP, first-line in clinical guidelinesCompletely privateEvery claim referenced
You're not crazy, and you're not alone
This pattern has a name: retroactive jealousy, obsessive intrusive thoughts about a partner's romantic or sexual past, paired with compulsions that promise relief and deliver the opposite. Hundreds of thousands of people search for it every year. Almost all of them think they're the only one.
Diagnostic quiz: 2 minutes, 14 questionsWhy this doesn't already exist
Retroactive jealousy rarely comes up in clinical training: many therapists have never seen a case, and it's often misread as ordinary insecurity instead of an obsessive loop. Here's what people usually try.
11+ hours of lectures fronted by one man's story. Helpful theory, but nothing in your hand when the spiral actually hits.
$300+, watch alone, hope it sticks
The right call for severe cases, and we'll tell you when we think that's you. But most therapists have never encountered RJ, it gets misdiagnosed as ordinary insecurity, and the few specialists are waitlisted at $150+ per session.
If you can find one who knows RJ
Free, instant, and the single most reliable way to make retroactive jealousy worse. You already know this one doesn't work.
Costs more than it looks
Why it keeps coming back
Every time you ask the question, check the profile, or replay the timeline, you get a hit of relief, and you teach your brain that the intrusive thought was a real threat worth responding to. The loop gets stronger. That's why willpower fails, why your partner's answers never satisfy, and why "just move on" is useless advice.
Clinicians treat this pattern the way they treat obsessive-compulsive loops: not by arguing with the thought, but by changing your response to it. The gold-standard approach, exposure and response prevention (ERP), trains you to let the thought arrive, and resist the compulsion that feeds it.
That training doesn't happen in a weekly session or an 11-hour video course. It happens in the exact moment the spiral hits: at dinner, in bed, mid-scroll. That's the moment Bygones was built for.
TriggerA song, a street, a name, nothing at all
↓
Intrusive thoughtThe mental movie starts playing
↓
Anxiety spikesChest tightens, focus gone
↓
CompulsionAsk, check, compare, replay
↓
Relief, brieflyAn hour of peace, if that
↓
The loop returns, strongerBack to step 1, louder next time
The science, honestly stated
First-line
Exposure and response prevention (ERP) is the first-line psychological treatment for obsessive-compulsive patterns in clinical guidelines, including NICE.
61 trials
Across 61 randomised controlled trials and 3,700+ patients, every delivery format of CBT for OCD, including digital, outperformed control conditions.
App-delivered
Clinical studies of app- and teletherapy-delivered ERP report outcomes comparable to in-person treatment, in a fraction of the therapist time.
And honestly: no method fixes everyone, not everyone reaches full remission, and severe cases belong with a professional, the app says so too. Every claim above is cited in full, with sources you can check, in the Handbook below.
Backed by science
"Digital tools offer a new way to navigate the healing process."
"Virtual therapy has shown promise in supporting individuals through healing."
"Online cognitive behavioral programs help people cope with obsessive thoughts and behaviors."
Introducing Bygones
Everything in Bygones exists to do one thing: interrupt the compulsion before it fires. Do that enough times and the loop loses its grip.
One button for when it hits, with four ways in: about to check, the mental movie, about to ask, and after a lapse. A guided 2-minute interruption, then a 20-minute delay timer for the urge that won’t quit.
Works silently at a dinner table, or next to them in bed. No one around you will know.
Streaks for the battles that count: didn't check the ex's profile, didn't ask the question, didn't replay the timeline. Watch your urge intensity trend down week by week, and the hours you’re reclaiming add up. A one-minute weekly check-in draws the curve.
A structured 6-week course of daily 10-minute sessions built on ERP principles, the approach clinicians consider the gold standard for obsessive loops. Understand the mechanism, map your triggers and compulsions, then retrain your response to them, one graded step at a time. Its intervention points come straight from the published clinical research on retroactive jealousy specifically (Blayney & Burgess, 2024), not OCD research borrowed sideways.
Talk through a spiral with a companion trained on one strict rule: it will never give you the reassurance you're craving, because reassurance is the compulsion.
Generic chatbots comfort you, which quietly makes RJ worse. The Bygones companion validates the feeling, refuses the ritual, and walks you back to your protocol instead.
Early words from users
Thomas L.
★★★★★
ROCD has been a nightmare and came after me in 3 different relationships with different women. I knew not to ask questions, but the itch was always too big and it would only get worse from there. My therapist thought I was simply insecure and gave pretty useless advice. This app felt like it was designed just for me and helped me get better over 2 months. Thank you!
David B.
★★★★★
Bygones really helped me reclaim my peace and my relationship.
Carolyne B.
★★★★★
My husband had a previous marriage, and since he and his ex share children, she would always be in the picture. I thought he was still attached to her, flirting and engaged in other behavior that made me mad. This app helped look deeper into myself and understand that I was overthinking, blowing things out of proportion and becoming my own worst enemy. In a much better stage now, though.
Available today
The Handbook is a fully referenced guide to the science of retroactive jealousy, written in plain language. It's the research this entire product is built on, and it stands on its own.
Instant PDF download · Included free with yearly app access
Simple pricing
The Handbook downloads the moment you pay, and your app sign-in email arrives within minutes. Everything carries a 14-day money-back guarantee.
50% off your first year $190
$95 / year
Renews yearly · cancel anytime
Instant access · 14-day money-back guarantee
50% off your first month $35.98
$17.99 / month
Full access · cancel anytime
Cancel anytime from your account
$24 one-time
The fully referenced guide, no subscription
Instant download · 14-day money-back guarantee
No. Bygones is a self-guided wellness tool informed by ERP principles, it is not therapy, diagnosis, or medical treatment, and it isn't a substitute for a licensed clinician. If your symptoms are severe, or you're dealing with depression or thoughts of harming yourself, please work with a professional. Part of our program is helping you recognize when that's the right move, and we'd rather lose a customer than keep someone from care they need.
Only if you tell them. Bygones is private by design: discreet app behavior, no social features, no real name required. Most of our early users have never told anyone about their RJ, we built for exactly that person.
If you're stuck in repetitive, unwanted thoughts about your partner's romantic or sexual past, and you do things (asking, checking, comparing, replaying) that briefly help but always bring the thoughts back stronger, that's the pattern Bygones addresses, whatever you call it. It overlaps heavily with what clinicians call relationship OCD.
Because reassurance-seeking is the engine of the loop. Every "it didn't mean anything, you're better than their ex" buys an hour of relief and strengthens the obsession. Our companion is built to do the harder, kinder thing: acknowledge the pain, decline the ritual, and guide you through a response that actually weakens the loop over time.
The Retroactive Jealousy Handbook is a fully referenced, plain-language guide to the science: what research says about jealousy and relationship OCD, the mechanism that keeps the loop alive, the honest evidence on treatments (ERP, ACT, I-CBT, medication), a worked exposure ladder, and a curated reading list. It's a standalone purchase at $24 with instant download, and it's included free with yearly app access. We publish our sources because we think you should be able to check anyone selling you help with this, including us.
Checkout runs through Stripe. The Handbook download starts immediately on the confirmation page and lands in your inbox; your app sign-in email (a passwordless magic link) follows within minutes. Everything carries a 14-day money-back guarantee (refunds require at least 7 days of active use, verified automatically from your account, see the terms).